Go Ahead and Lay the Guilt on Me
by Sulkie Wolfen
Summary: You are mistaken, my nephew. I am not the murderer, for look into your own eyes, and see your hate.


_Go Ahead and Lay the Guilt on Me..._

For years I ruled over a kingdom of despair and greediness. Then one day my rightful king; you... Simba.. returned to take his place on the promontory I had for so long called my own. That day, we both stood there in front of our guilt and misery... neither willing to give up our selfish needs.

Look at my past. I have done things wrong, I will admit that without shame. So young and foolish I was the day I murdered the king of the Pride Lands; your father; King Mufasa. How foolish I was the day I accused you of murder; letting you fly away in your despair... taking away the pleasure of two lives.

And what I've done to the ones I love! I have torn my love life apart; Shenzi... my first, and perhaps most true and brilliant, love. But I turned her down. Turned her down! Why? Because she was a hyena and I a lion. I couldn't live with the shame! At the time, I was a young thing. I did not understand shame and sorrow; I couldn't even cope with having a hyena for a girlfriend. And so I turned her down.

Then look at Zira. I knew Zira nearly my whole life... and the whole time, I was so oblivious to her love for me. She loved me the whole time she knew me; but I ignored her; and it ripped her apart.

And Sarafina... I ruined Sarafina's life. Through her whole life Lady Sarafina lived waiting for me to come back to her, but did I? ...No.

Of course, there's Nala as well. I pour upon you my secrets of Nala's life, and you dive for me, threatening to cut my throat open. But was it really me? Was I really the one acting wrongly?

Then look at your faults, Simba. Look at what you've done wrong. You completely decimated and destroyed my life. Just being born made it hard enough for me, but your attitude toward me was so foul it was enough to make me suffer... more, than I already... suffered. You saw me then; you see me now. I was large and capable to you, then. Now I am a small, emotionally damaged wimp.

You made me evil.

In destroying my life, you made me take others. So really, all of my faults were caused by your faults. So who's the villain now? It certainly is not I, my nephew.

We stand here on the promontory we both grew up on; glaring at each other with eyes of nothing but loathing. But who shows cruel nature in this time of battle? It certainly is not I, my nephew.

Who throws their uncle from the throne to avenge their father's death? Who mercilessly exiles innocent citizens from the pride for their loyalty to me?

It certainly is not I, my nephew. Who have you killed? No one, you say. Then go ahead. Go ahead and lay the guilt on me. For maybe I deserve the guilt. That sure seems to be what you think.

But honestly, Simba. What more do you want from me? You have taken from me everything but life; so that I so fear death that I would rather keep the throne than die. You think I want to keep the throne! May a thousand ants crawl up your nose.

I remember the day I sunk my claws into your father's flesh; a devilish smile upon my face. And how I wish I could do the same to you.

How do you think it felt when you returned with the one I so desperately needed? With my... Nala? I noticed so many details in that long forgotten moment that mean nothing to you. Sarabi; your mother, one of my close relations she was... Sarabi. Even Sarabi, whom I wanted with everything in me; spat at me so, showed me so much... negativity.

"Sarabi!" I had screamed... calling for your mother. I had just recently been further torn apart; by your Nala. Your Nala... who... rejected me. I had been sore with your mother, Sarabi, for years. After she rejected me as well. See, there goes my proof. No one would want someone like me... would they?

"Where is your hunting party? They're not doing their job." Just speaking to her made my lip silently tremble... a shiver went all through my spine. I felt the presence of another, and I felt the need to attack her... with my love.

"Scar, there is no food. The herds have moved on." To hear that, from her... was like a bullet to the scar. If I had not been at front of the most beautiful woman in the world, I would have groaned and fallen to my knees. If I were human, I would have buried my face in my paws, holding myself just barely atop the ground, and wept. Yes, Simba, it hit me that hard. Do not mistake my high dignity for shallowness. I have never recovered from the losses that dented my life. Even yours.

"No. You're just not looking hard enough." I paced back and forth, my now practically crystalline eyes fixed upon her. If I could just hear something I could dwell on... from her...

"It's over. There is nothing left," she said. "We have only one choice. We must leave Pride Rock."

"We're not going anywhere." I was born at Pride Rock. Now I was finally ruler of it and I was not going to leave it.

"Then you have sentenced us to death!" Yes, us. Us. Her, and... myself.

"Then so be it!" I accepted it a long time ago. No one else seems to have accepted fates like that.

"You can't do that!" Oh I couldn't? I was torn apart, Sarabi, you don't tell me what I can't do!

"I am the king; I can do whatever I want!"

"If you were half the king Mufasa was, you would -"

"I'm ten times the king Mufasa was!" I hit her across the face, bruising her entire head. It was something many, especially my father, had done to me countless times... and it was a blessing from the sky to do it to another.

I heard a growl, and then... there you were. Like a ghost, coming to take my life away. For a split second, I coyly smiled at your presence... thinking you the keeper of death. But alas, when you bent toward your mother, the coy smile faded and my hatred returned.

I kept it even then. "Simba...?" I asked, mainly speaking to myself. "Simba... what a surprise to see you..."

My head tilted toward my hyena henchmen. No, not henchmen... more like my hyena family. But now they weren't being family-like, were they? "...alive?"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip you apart."

If you don't think that hit me like a bullet, you have more problems than I thought. "Oh... Simba, you must understand - the pressures of ruling a kingdom..."

"Are no longer yours."

No longer mine, but were they ever mine? Were the pressures of ruling a kingdom ever engulfed within my paws? Was that long, dragging, boredom-insuring time my only time as king? And do I, as a living thing, deserve that?

Apparently so. My life is coming to an end;

when it had barely begun.


End file.
